I tried out for the school football team
The coach said to me, you're crap
I didn't think much of the tone he took
So I hit him hard under the chin with my library book
He rolled around on the locker room floor
Waiting for the ref to come through the door
That diva was lying, trying for a penalty
He thought he was on the playing field
I tried out for the school cricket team
The coach said to me, you're crap
I didn't think much of the way he said it
So he went down when I hit him with a wicket
The team they saw what I had done
And chased me all around the pitch
I managed to climb up over the fence
And escape without a hitch
I tried out for the school rugby team
The coach said to me, you're crap
I didn't like the way he got in my face
So I hit him in the head with my pencil case.
The coach shook his head and looked at me
He said, what do you think you're doing
I said, I'm sorry coach I slipped while I was going
I got out of there as fast as I could; I thought I'd take up sewing
I tried out for the school tiddlywinks team
The coach said to me, you're great
I didn't think much of the tone he took
So I hit him hard under the chin with my library book
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